We had our ultra sound appointment last Friday and I was 8 weeks and 2 days along. I had been feeling so positive about the ultra sound and just knew we were going to hear two strong heart beats. The nurse said she'd measure baby A first. I cant see the monitor while the nurse is doing the ultra sound, so I usually just watch Tim's facial expressions to figure out whats going on. He had a big smile on his face right away and it was so reassuring to me. We got to hear the heart beat and it was amazing how much change can occur in a week, the hear beat was so loud and clear and fast! Baby A was measuring 8 weeks 1 day and had a heart beat of 167.
Then the nurse said she was going to measure my ovaries next to see if I was getting proper blood flow to the babies. I thought it was unusual for her to do that and not just go over to measure the other baby next. She said everything looked normal and it seemed like there was enough blood flow, so that made me feel better. Then she said she would measure baby B. She was quite and I kept waiting listening for when she would play the heart beat. Then I looked to Tim's face for a reaction. Tim didn't have a smile on his face like he did when he was looking at the first baby.
The nurse turned the monitor over to me so I could look along with them. Baby B had shrunk and was measuring 5 weeks and there was no sign of a flicker for a heart beat. We has lost our sweet lil baby B. I wanted to start bawling right there on the table, but the nurse tried to refocus me on the positive right away by showing me baby A and how big and healthy it looked. I just wanted to get off that table as fast as I could.
The doctor came and talked to us and said the blood clot probably took the blood away from baby B, but it didn't seem to be effecting our other baby. Baby A has a blood hemorrhage next to it, but he told me this was common and shouldn't harm the baby. The doctors took me off my blood thinner shots because they thought that it might be causing the clot to bleed more, but they still want me on the progesterone shot (the one Tim gives me in my booty) till I reach 12 weeks. Then the doctor said at 8 weeks they release you to your regular Ob/Gyn, so this would be my last visit at Emory.
It was a very hard weekend for me. I felt so weird grieving over losing my baby when I wanted to be grateful that I still had a baby in me. I couldn't believe how fast and how strong of a connection I could develop with my lil babies, they are my babies and I just lost one so I let myself cry and be sad.
Moving forward, I am going to focus on the positive and the life I still have growing in me. I am still bleeding, but the doctors think its because baby A is pressing against the hemorrhage and making it bleed. Its hard to not be worried or concerned when your body is doing things that don't seem normal, but I'm giving over my control and trusting God with this journey. Thanks again so much for keeping me and Tim in your prayers it really helps me stay joyful and positive through the tough times.
